I want to start this series of blog posts off by saying that I am no expert on dating and relationships! In fact, I am far from it. But these are some things that I have learned, am learning, and have been taught over the last couple of years about relationships. These will not necessarily be applicable to everybody and I am not saying that if you do these things exactly that you will end up with right guy or that you will have the perfect pre-dating experience. God does not have a “one-size fits all” plan for people but has a different plan for each and every one of us; do not try to take somebody else’s story and fit it exactly to your life. It is my hope that these things I have learned will be an encouragement to you and cause you to think about how you handle your own relationships.
1. Dating in high school – Just DON’T! Prematurely formed emotional attachments in high school usually do not end well. Yes, granted, some people can do it and have done it, but the majority of relationships end with broken hearts and tears. So many people mature and change a ton once they get to college. The person you start dating in 12th grade may be a totally different person 3 years later. Personally, I know that I have changed more in my first two years of college than I did in high school. Peoples’ values and beliefs can change so much upon entering college. Hopefully, if a person is a believer, college and that time of “growing up” will only strengthen their walk with the Lord. Because people can change so drastically, it is better to wait than to date early. For me, I purposed not to date my first year of college and I am so thankful I did because I changed so much from being a brand new Fall college freshman to a little bit more experienced Spring college sophomore. Besides, you can use your first year of college to just get to know people; see how people interact and react to circumstances. Let yourself grow up and mature as well as others too.
2. Older, wiser council – This is essential to have in your life at all times and especially when it comes to relationships! It is very easy to be caught up in the moment, caught up in emotions and feelings and to forsake all good judgment. If you can, seek council from your parents; they know and love you better than most people. For some reason, if you cannot go to your parents with this kind of stuff, find an older couple or an older woman in your life. They will often be the voice of reason and wisdom when you are tempted to run wild; they know, hopefully, what it is like to have romantic fluttering and feelings and they know how to best deal with them in a God-honoring way. Proverbs 2:1-2 says, “My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, [make] your ear attentive to wisdom and [incline] your heart to understanding.” We are to seek wisdom like a precious treasure. And note, seeking council from somebody who is 3 months or even just a year older is probably not the best choice unless you know for certain they are mature and wise. Remember, you want them to speak wisdom and God’s truth to you, not just what you want to hear from them. Let them keep you accountable; let them ask the hard and “awkward” questions about purity, etc. If you know somebody is going to ask you how you are doing at staying pure, it is a lot easier a lot easier to say “no” to temptation.
3. Wait silently and do not initiate – Many girls feel like they need to “run after” a guy because they are afraid that he will not notice them or that he will pursue a different girl. While temptation to do this is hard to resist, especially if you feel this guy is “the One,” it must be resisted at all costs. Why? Because, in Genesis 2:24, it is clearly stated that the man is supposed to leave his parents and cling to his wife; it is the man’s responsibility to pursue a woman. The problem with initiating a relationship is that you could be pursuing something that is not God’s will, especially because the guy is supposed to pursue. And think, if you got married and had major issues later in life, would you regret that you initiated the relationship? Would you wonder if it would have happened if you had not made the first move? I heard a quote by somebody something to the effect of that a woman will secretly despise the man that she leads; yes, she wants to lead and be in control, but more than anything, most women do want a man to lead. Do not usurp that responsibility from a man!
4. Trust the Lord – Waiting silently and refraining from initiating are tangible evidences of trust in the Lord. Psalm 37:5 says, “Commit your way to the Lord,; trust in Him, and He will act.” God has HIS best plan for you in mind; He will not withhold good things from those who are following Him. (Psalm 84:11) Remember: If it’s not God’s perfect right timing, then it’s not His will. If God is telling you to wait on a certain person, He does not want you to have them right then. So, essentially, they are not the right person at that time because God is saying “no.” God will act in the manner that He sees as best for His child. He knows your frame and He knows you better than you even know yourself; trust that He will take care of you.
5. Pray – Instead of worrying about the future and what it will hold (Matthew 6:25-34), pray! God already knows what you are thinking, but go ahead and express your worries and fears to God but, at the same time, praise and thank Him for giving you this uncertainty to trust Him with. (Philippians 4:6-7) I have found that when I am praying and committing myself to God I am able to trust Him better. Also remember that you are not the only person in life; you are not the only person with “problems.” It is good to keep in mind too, that God is so much bigger than all your problems. We are here to serve Him, not to fulfill all our wants and desires.
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