As I was doing my Saturday chores this morning, there were many thoughts running through my head…things like being excited to pick up two close friends from the airport today, going back to school in 8 days, getting ready for my last year of college, etc. But then it really hit me…I’m going into my SENIOR year of college…this is my LAST year as an undergraduate. After this year is over I’ll be down with college and almost done with my education…after this I get to be a grownup…(Blast! Just kidding…ish)…after this I’ll just be plain…well…old. (Well, not really in the grand scheme of things, but it will feel like I’m old. =P But I know there are people a lot older than I am. =] Haha.)
Anyways, thinking about being a senior brought a flood of memories back from the end of last semester and from my senior year of high school. For some reason, I have always wanted to go to Master’s since 6th grade…even before my oldest brother attended there. Actually, my parents say that I’ve wanted to go to Master’s before it was even on the radar for my brothers. For some reason, growing up around the campus, going to basketball games, getting babysat by college girls while my parents attended a few conferences there, it has always been my dream to go there. As both of my brothers spent their 4 years there, this desire only heightened…there were many times I wished I could just skip high school and go straight for my college education. (Part of this was because I wanted to go to school and have fun with my brothers because I missed them so much and the other part was because I just could not wait to be part of the Master’s community.) Having already decided that I wanted to go to Master’s, I had only to decide on a major. For some reason…also known as “fear of man”…when my mom suggested that I be a Home Economics major, I staunchly refused. I was NOT going to admit to my friends in high school—when they were wanting to go places like Notre Dame, Princeton, Harvard, USC, UCLA, etc—that I was “merely going” to a Christian school AND going to be a Home Ec major. My fear of their view of the major caused me to deny pursuing this path of education for a good 3 ½ years; in the mean time I wanted to be a TESOL major. (Teaching English as a second language…I have no idea where I got this idea because none of my family was in any sort of career like that and I hated and was terrible at French.) Anyways, something happened—aka the Lord worked in my heart =] –and I decided that I would pursue Home Economics. Afterall, I had always wanted to be a teacher at some educational level—usually it depended upon what grade I was in—so that I could one day homeschool my kids if the Lord were to have me get married. Actually, being a wife and mom was and is something I have always desired since I was a little girl; I trust that the Lord put that desire in me and it was cultivated by seeing my mom stay at home with us kids all of our lives. I saw and see it as a wonderful lifetime job and career to pursue and a very high calling from the Lord. Why not be equipped for what I wanted to do by being a Home Ec major? (By the way, it’s been a wonderful major!!!)
Moving on, during my senior year of high school I ended up taking the ACT four different times trying to raise my score high enough to get the highest academic scholarship at Master’s. After taking it twice and getting a lower score the second time, my parents saw tutoring as a viable option. I was very much humiliated to be tutored because I felt like I was dumb…and yet I knew that I wasn’t but I didn’t like admitting to my friends that I was getting tutored for this test. Taking the test the 3rd time resulted in the same score as the first test…haha…that wasn’t discouraging at all! (Yes…very sarcastic tone here!) After that my parents changed methods of tutoring; previously I had been tutored on how to best take the ACT test and then they had me tutored in math, the area of my lowest score. By the time I had my 4th attempt, the deadline for the highest scholarship had passed so at this point I was just trying for the next higher scholarship. At that point I was slightly annoyed with myself for having to take it again so I was determined to dominate. Thankfully, by God’s grace, I got my highest score of all and was able to receive that 2nd highest scholarship.
In the mean time, paper work had been turned in for Cal Grant. Since I was the youngest kid in my family, we weren’t too hopeful at getting the largest amount of aid but we knew we’d at least get some. My letter came towards the end o the semester. I remember opening it and being absolutely shocked! It said something to the effect of “Aid Denied” or “Unqualified for Cal Grant”…something that communicated VERY clearly that we were getting no aid whatsoever. Needless to say, my mom spent the next 30 minutes consoling her weeping daughter. Now, I don’t tend to be a very dramatic girl (that’s one of the results of being raised with two brothers and being a Tom-boy for most of my life) but when I do get distressed about things there are times when I tend to see the glass not only as half empty, but also as poured out, smashed, and ground into the dirt. Haha…in my 30 minutes of sobbing I was convinced that God didn’t want me to go to Master’s and that I would never go to Master’s. My mother, being the wise woman that she is, comforted me and assured me that there was still the possibility of going to a JC for 2 years and transferring and she also pointed out that there might be the possibility of appealing the letter. We prayed, I regained my composure, and I realized that I needed to trust God. Feeling a bit silly for my despair, I gave it to the Lord and trusted that He could provide if He wanted to. To make a long story a bit shorter, my mom appealed the letter and the Lord provided over and even more abundantly than we expected. =] We not only received Cal Grant but we also got the full amount. Praise the Lord! Evidence #1 of the Lord wanting me to be at Master’s.
So fast forwarding 3 years, we come to the end of my junior year…last spring. There were rumors going around that people were going to be losing Cal Grant. A bit nervous, I knew the Lord would still provide in the way He saw fit. One Wednesday night, I received an email from our financial aid office saying that I had lost Cal Grant completely and there was a letter in my mailbox the next day affirming that loss. Not quite as despairing, but still very discouraged, I only told one of my friends about the situation, not wanting to worry others before it was decided if I would be returning to school for my senior year. He encouraged me to write a letter telling of my predicament and directed me who to give it to. My parents agreed this was a good idea. I wrote and revised the letter the next Saturday and Sunday and delivered it on Monday. I felt sort of hopeless once I delivered my letter…I had no way of knowing if it would get to the right person. All I could do was trust the Lord. (Just for the reader’s information, I was not as dramatic and despairing this time around as I was as a high school senior…very much a testament to how the Lord has grown my faith in Him over the years. =] Praise the Lord!!) Two days after dropping off the letter I received an email informing me of my reception of almost comparable amounts of aid to what we had lost with Cal Grant. Talk about me being ecstatic! I was absolutely thrilled and giddy…and hyper. (Just ask my roommate and good friends…I was almost literally bouncing off the walls and jumping up and down. =D ) It was so neat to see how the Lord provided so quickly and clearly. It was and is VERY obvious that He wants me to be at Master’s for my senior year.
I am still baffled and amazed when I think about this path I have traveled over the last 4 years. I am so thankful that the Lord has confirmed His will and aligned mine with His. I know for sure that He has me at Master’s because He saw it as His best for me. I am truly humbled by His provision as well as I am so thankful.
As I think, then, to this next year, I am curious as to what the Lord has for me to do and what He has for me to face. I am thankful for His many pictures of faithfulness and provision throughout the 21 years of my life and how they have been especially evident and clear in the last 4 years. I hope and pray that when I am tempted to complain about homework or classes that I would remember that I am at Master’s for a very specific purpose and that the Lord made it possible when it seemed impossible for me to be there. I look forward to being reminded of these truths and seeing how He will continually guide and direct my path. I truly have fallen in love with the verses in Jeremiah 29. Although they seem to be cliché to many people, I pray that I would never forget the depth of truth in them.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart, I will be found by you, declares the Lord.” ~Jeremiah 29:11-14a~
God knows my future and will reveal it to me in His own timeframe that He sees best for me. In the meantime, I need to call upon Him, pray to Him, and seek Him with my whole heart, my whole life, and all of my strength. It is then that I will find the Lord…He will allow me to find Him and He will provide for me.
May the Lord be honored and glorified as I dedicate this school year to Him!
…8 days and counting!!! *Eeep!!!* =D
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