Summer Morning Thoughts

For some reason it is still amazing to me how one of the fastest ways to get out of a pattern of self-pity and "sadness"/depression (due to feeling sorry for oneself) is through thinking of others and praying for them. This morning my mom was gone at the chiropractor and out to lunch with a friend; last night I had already planned on cleaning the house while she was gone. I wanted to do this to be a blessing to her and because I knew she would appreciate me helping out since I am a member of this household and need to carry some of the weight of keeping the house clean since I too live here and that is just part of my responsibility.

Well, after she left I turned on the computer and checked email and facebook and as I got caught up on seeing what my friends are doing, I was presented with the options of being content being home by myself with my family for the summer or being discontent because almost all of my best friends are still together getting to tour the East Coast on a choir tour. (There are also other good friends who are not in California right now but are seemingly having a better time than I am.) Yesterday my mom brought up the fact that she hasn't been hearing from me lately about how I'm viewing the glass as half-full this summer but how I have only been talking about the glass being “half-empty” and how she has only really been hearing me talk about how I miss all my friends so much. This was super convicting because I know I must sound like I am not grateful to be home at all…that in and of itself was SUPER convicting and sad to hear said about myself. Just another thing the Lord wants me to work on this summer.

Anyways...back on topic...being the stupid and sinful sheep that is stubborn and can often become bogged down by my flesh because I do not put up the fight to resist these self-pitying thoughts, I gave in to the option of being discontent with not getting to be with my friends and went about cleaning our house with very much a pouting attitude. I didn't mind cleaning and didn't mind serving my family in this way, but I was just put out that I could not be with my friends. Well...I had also turned on the computer so I could listen to Pandora...I put on my station called "Casting Crowns Radio" because I knew that I needed to listen to worship songs and not songs by Michael Buble or Dean Martin, etc. After turning it on there were soooo many songs that came up during my cleaning that totally convicted me of my less-than-God-honoring attitude and reminded me that my satisfaction is not found in my circumstances but in my God alone. Songs like "Praise You in the Storm" by Casting Crowns, "Beautiful One" by Joel Engle, "In Christ Alone," "Love is Not a Fight" by Warren Barfield, "Your Grace is Enough" by Matt Maher, and "God of Wonders" had been popping up. All of them I was singing along to and could not help but feel the tug of the Holy Spirit to praise my God and not be stuck in self-pity.

When I received a text from a friend asking for prayer for finding joy in the Lord as she is busy these next few days with things, I immediately paused the music and prayed for her. This is where my first sentence of this post came into play...praying for her got me off of thinking about myself and what I wish I were doing instead of what I was actually doing. Also, as I prayed for her and asked that the Lord would grant her joy in what she is doing I was reminded of something a friend had written me in a Christmas card this past year; I happened to come across her note while I was unpacking and sorting through all of my papers this week. In her note she said, "I have really appreciated all your timely exhortations; especially during Christmas concerts when I had forgotten why I was making music." (Her statement was in reference to me putting notes of encouragement in her box during my college’s Christmas concerts and reminding her of why the choir was singing and why we were serving people through the concerts.) The friend who texted is going to be doing a lot of singing with a choir this next week and a half so I was reminded of this note from the Christmas card. In singing for other people we need to remember that we sing to bring honor and glory to God and to worship Him. As I sat praying for my friend I teared up remembering one of the main reasons why I want to be in The Master’s Chorale so badly next year…I want to worship the Lord through singing and to create an avenue for those listening to also worship the Lord. I prayed that my friend would find joy in the Lord and that she would "Make a joyful noise unto the Lord...[and] make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise[s]" to Him. (Psalm 98:4...or supposedly...that's the reference my roommate had given me for something but I cannot find that exact version. =P ) I prayed that she would remember Nehemiah 8:10 which says, "For the joy of the Lord is your strength." As well as Lamentations 3...the whole chapter but mainly verses 15-26. We must remember God's mercies are new each morning and that He will give us His joy to strengthen us to make it through each day that we do not feel like battling through.

After I prayed for her and unpaused my music the song "I Can Only Imagine" came on...I love how God orchestrates things and times them perfectly!! I thought of her especially in the chorus of the song:

"Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'? Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine! I can only imagine!"

I love the line "Will I stand in Your presence" and "Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'" It reminded me of The Master’s Chorale as well as Collegiate singing...we are in God's presence at all times...we can, therefore, find joy in singing before Him because although we do not see Him we can know that He is there listening to us and watching us. I know this is hard to remember but when we do remember it we can take joy in singing out our hearts for Him. =] Yeah!

I was also reminded that there are times when we will struggle finding joy in the Lord even if there seems to be no apparent reason. This is when we need to remember the truth of 1 Peter 5:6-9, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world." It is during those times when we feel down that we need to take our thoughts captive and strive all the harder to set our minds on things above. (Colossians 3:1-3) I still do not know how to exactly combat these times of feeling stuck in a rut of being down but I know I need to fight them all the same.

To close...the song that came up right after "I Can Only Imagine" was "Enough" by Chris Tomlin and I was soooo convicted!!! I know that I have not been finding my all in Christ lately. I have been wishing and hoping for things that God has obviously taken out of my life at this point this summer. And I know He has done this for the purpose of bringing me closer to Him. In listening to this song and singing along I was having a hard time singing all of the words and being totally truthful in them..."All of You is more than enough for all of me/For every thirst and every need/You satisfy me with Your love/And all I have in You is more than enough." Especially the last line was hard. *Sigh* I am sooo thankful that God is patience and merciful with us and that He does not give up on us when we fail. It's such a beautiful picture of forgiveness!! =] I love how when we surrender ourselves and our wills that He takes them and molds them into His. I just pray that I will continually fight to do this every minute, every hour, and every day of my life. When I come close to truly understanding/comprehending the Gospel, that is when I am filled with total joy and satisfaction. I only wish I dwelt on it more. I am so grateful the Lord afforded me the opportunity to pray for a good friend this morning and gave me the opportunity to think of someone else besides myself. =] Praise Him!!!